At a glimpse, this may appear as two different words. But to me and many others, they could not be anymore different. As a guy who likes to spend time by himself, but also enjoy the company of others I wish to share some of my thoughts around this.
I feel that a lot of people think being ‘alone’ is a bad thing. Many people seem co-co-dependent in other way… Like they need someone around to enjoy themselves, or feel safe and secure. For instance, you will see that these people are ashamed of going to the movies alone or a concert. But perhaps we can truly let go and enjoy ourselves when we have the freedom to explore autonomously. Just because you are surrounding by lots of people, it does not make it comforting. Sometimes for me at least, being in a packed room with no one understanding me is the most loneliest feeling of all. Much lonelier than in laying in your bedroom in the dark for sure.
Why do people seem so worried about being alone though? Maybe they are afraid of judgement for not being ‘normal’. But what is normal anyway? Where is the fun of achieving this impossible feat? And how do people avoid this feeling of loneliness? Maybe they think they are safe from this feeling because of their popularity on social media. But maybe they are just showing the world the person he/she thinks it wants, rather than what the person themselves want. Not portraying yourself accurately as the unique individual you are… That is the biggest concern for me, especially when it comes to loneliness. Be yourself and the people good for you will come along. That is for sure what I can say in my case.
As for being ‘alone’ itself, this is something I have become very accustomed to. I feel confident and independent enough to be able to spend time with and enjoy myself. Sure, being with people for certain activities is more entertaining but I will not miss out because I do not have someone to share that with. Being around people constantly is just not healthy in my books, no matter how extroverted you are… We all need a little time to ourselves to reflect and recharge. This is just natural.
Spending time alone does not have to be a bad thing. Many activities I find can be just as, (if not more) enjoyable alone than with company. This is when you feel your passion or interest in something is different to the person you are with. Or when you both are different views or interests for whatever reason. Just make sure what ever you are doing you are comfortable with yourself, and do not feel isolated. Enjoy time with others and take time to relax for your own good and mental health.
10 thoughts on “Lonely vs being alone?”
It totally agree. There is a huge difference between being lonely and alone. I am the eldest of four children and was raised in a very busy house. I liked nothing more than shutting myself off and actually having time alone with my own thoughts. Perhaps because it was an option rather than the norm I found it not only easy – but enjoyable.
That ease with being alone and comfort in my own company transitioned into adult life. Again, I’m busy but I often yearn for the opportunity to retreat to my ‘fortress of solitude’. To sit and do nothing, or to do exactly as I wish. Gaming, movies, blogging, reading. I don’t need anyone else to do these things and typically enjoy them more than being with others.
I wrote something recently about drinking alone:
“Some people think it odd when I tell them that I enjoy a drink by myself. Some people think that alcohol should only be consumed when in company. I absolutely disagree. There is something quite basic about drinking alone. I can sit, watch what I want, play games if I choose, tweet, write, sing along to music. I can do whatever I choose.
Drinking with company doesn’t afford you such freedoms. Drinking out in bars with company affords you even less. Drink what’s socially acceptable or what everyone else is drinking, pace yourself, match the consumption of the peer group, leave the bar you are enjoying and the music you are enjoying, engage in banal conversation about girls, jobs, money, fitba. Shiiiiiiiiit.
I do enjoy a bit of a booze. I enjoy coming home from work and being able to open a bottle of wine or have a small / medium / large vodka. I like getting drunk. I enjoy the feeling. I don’t fight with people, destroy or damage property. I don’t go out and cause trouble. I don’t drive. I know my limits.
So when people raise an eyebrow over my personal and (until now) private drinking habits; when they pity me for drinking alone; I just smile and get on with it. Pour myself another drink, write down some words, and sing along to my favourite songs. Because I’d much rather be relaxing with my own company, with a nice bottle of wine, than pouring pints down my neck in a pub where I cannot hear myself think, where teenage boys are vying for the attention of a tangerine coloured platinum creature, and inebriates want to fight each other.”
Whatever you do by yourself, enjoy just being by yourself. That’s not lonely, it’s perhaps not even ‘alone’. Its true freedom.
This was an insightful post, thank you for sharing your experiences. It is good that you can find comfort in solitude and are being healthy too.
Good blog post! There is a difference. One can be lonely in a group of people. I love my quiet time in nature. It helps keep me healthy- mentally, physically, & emotionally. The not being isolated is key. When it’s a choice to spend time by yourself, that is when it’s healthy.
I agree totally. Are you able to get into nature often so you can feel this positive?
We live on 10 acres of woods so all I have to do is walk out my door 🙂
Some people feel lonely if they find themselves alone. I like having some time to myself because I enjoy reading in my spare time. But there are times I like to spend time with my significant other. I agree with the previous statement that choosing to spend some alone time by yourself is okay and healthy.
Do you find that it is important to have time alone as a couple? People seem to think it is a bad thing from what I have heard. But I think it is incredibly healthy and should be advised.
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I think lockdown time has shown us the value of the people in our life. Sometimes it’s not the money that is going to solve all of our problems. And we have to take the help of other people and avoid isolating our own selves. New normal would keep us away from each other and it would not be easier to be socializing again. I think we will surely learn to be alone while socializing now and the state wont be lonely for us anymore.
Socialising safely has been vital during this lockdown. Hopefully, many other people have also learnt the value of the people in our life.